If Only
by lionheartilly
Summary: While Erza recoups after the vicious battle with Neinhart, Jellal stops in to check on her condition. What Jellal encounters is certainly not what he expected. (warning: very emotional moment ensues between the pair)


If Only

The scarlet sky slowly changed to the brightness of day once more, blue and bright. Puffs of cloud scattered here and there, and an easy breeze blew through the streets of Hargeon. Jellal and Meredy had just finished battling what was left of the Alvarez soldiers attacking the port, managing to take it back once more. They had made short work of them before the soldiers had tucked their tails between their legs and went running for safety fearing Jellal's destructive, heavenly body magic. Throughout the short battle, his thoughts kept wandering back to the severely wounded redhead, and how she was faring due to the extent her injuries she had acquired from Neinhart's Historias.

Erza Scarlet. She had almost died from the blood loss, but luckily Wendy was there to help heal and at least ease some of Erza's pain. Though Wendy had been running desperately low on magic energy herself, she did the best she could. Jellal had taken great faith in knowing that Erza was in the safe care of her guild members. Now that the Alvarez army had ran, he took it upon himself to make his way back to where Erza was currently recouping from the previous battle with the Spriggan.

"Erza's inside. She's resting," spoke up Kagura's voice near the doorway as Jellal approached, still sounding somewhat cold. She stared the blue haired man down hard. "Don't overexert her."

"Like I would do such a thing when she's in that condition," Jellal retorted. He was somewhat confused as to why Kagura was still being coy with him, given everything that had just happened. That woman had saved his life for goodness sake. He had nearly drowned and she breathed life into him when she could have easily killed him. He had been grateful, but Kagura wasn't up for listening to Jellal's embarrassed stammers of thanks. This time, however, he wasn't about to back down to her. He stood his ground.

The two locked harsh glances before Kagura finally relaxed, and cracked a small grin, closing her eyes. "She's been waiting for you, anyway. Word has it that Gray and Juvia are going to be heading back to Fairy Tail soon. Erza attempted to go, but she couldn't even sit upright without being in pain. Maybe you can talk some sense into her. She doesn't need to be going anywhere,"

Kagura sighed for a moment, her tone softening as she tucked a lock of black hair behind her ear. "She needs you right now. I'm going to rendezvous with my guild and see that all the remaining soldiers have indeed been wiped out." Kagura turned away from Jellal, her long, black hair swinging behind her as she walked away, sword bumping against her hip.

Jellal swallowed, pushed open the door, and entered the room where Erza was residing. It was dark inside with just a few rays of sunlight shining through the cracks in the curtains. His eyes scanned the area to find locks of vibrant, scarlet hair splayed across a bed. Her eyes were closed peacefully, her arms folded over her heavily bandaged torso. He took a few steps as softly as he could, before her dark orbs flickered open. "Jellal?" her voice croaked tiredly and Erza raised a hand to brush bangs out of her eyes to get a better look.

"Yes, Erza. I'm here now," he affirmed and began making his way toward her bed. Erza smiled and patted the bedside, offering for him to sit down next to her. Jellal obliged and took a seat on the bed. He lay one arm comfortably over her to brush back some scarlet locks from her face. He inwardly cringed at the bloodstained bandages on her forehead and torso. "That looks like it hurts."

"It's not as bad as it looks," Erza assured him, still smiling softly. "Wendy did a great job helping me heal up, but I admit. I'm still fairly sore." Erza searched Jellal's hazel eyes. "How are you doing? You don't seem too be badly beaten up yourself."

"I'm honestly just fine. Perhaps a bit tired, but nothing I cannot handle. I ran into Kagura outside. She said that Gray and Juvia are headed back to Fairy Tail. I assume they must be worried about how things are going there," he responded, attempting to change the subject. He was concerned about Erza traveling.

She nodded her head. "Yes, they are. I suppose I should head back there as well."

Jellal gazed down at Erza, his voice betraying the expression on his face. How he was always so calm Erza did not know, but the worried look in his eyes was unmistakable. "You are in no condition to be traveling, Erza. You can barely sit up on your own without being in pain," the blue haired mage gently scolded the woman in front of him who was struggling to push herself up in bed. She ignored him and Jellal sighed. There was never any keeping Erza down for long.

"Jellal. Come back to the guild with me," Erza's voice was so earnest and her one visible eye so filled with hope, that Jellal swallowed hard against a surprising lump that had built in his throat. Her eyes searched his once more, before he could no longer handle looking into hers. Jellal closed his eyes and turned his head away from her. He couldn't go back with her. Not yet anyway.

There was still too much that had happened, a lot of fighting that still needed to be done, other Spriggans and Zeref. He had to defeat them to keep Erza safe, right? Jellal tried to lie to himself that this was the only way to keep her safe. Keep her away from him. He only brought danger to her and with her current condition, he knew Erza was incapable of battling until she was fully healed again.

"Erza," her name rolled off of his tongue, but a hint of sorrow resounded in his voice. "I can't…" He still kept his eyes closed, still unable to look at her and the expression on her face, and the emotion that would be showing in her eyes right now. He wasn't sure if he could keep his calm composure should he look at her. He tried again to swallow hard against that stubborn lump.

Erza inclined her eyes away from his face, and off to the side. She took in a shaky breath, and this caused Jellal to open his eyes and look down at the girl who was no longer looking at him, but trying to control her own feelings. It wasn't working very well. They were both in a vulnerable state. Erza was weakened and wounded, and that didn't help matters. He wanted to pretend like he couldn't see the glittering moisture building up in Erza's chocolate eyes as she lay there, but it was there. "Why?" she breathed out a single word, still not look at him. "Why is that always your answer?"

Jellal nearly choked at her question. He took another breath to compose himself and frowned. "Erza, you kno-" began, but was cut off by the scarlet haired knight laying underneath him.

"I know," she replied, her voice trembling and he didn't miss the tears escaping from her eye not hidden by red hair. "But it still hurts. All the same. It's not fair…" Her brutal honesty and her tears made his heart clench painfully in the confines of his chest, and it was all he could do to not raise his hand and grip at it. He sat quietly for a moment, listening to Erza's silent sobbing, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, and he leaned over her, his own breath hitching.

"Erza," her name caught in his throat, and the image of Erza in front of him became increasingly distorted by unrelenting, burning water in his own eyes that he didn't even know had formed. Erza gasped when a couple of tears had escaped from him and splashed onto her skin, surprising her.

"J-Jellal…?" she stammered, looking into his face again and she saw his own eyes were filled, brimming the edges, looking for escape.

"Nothing in this world has ever been fair, and until Zeref is defeated, nothing ever can be." Jellal attempted to steady his voice, but it was wavering, and he was slowly losing composure. His breath hitched again, and he tried to ignore the growing ache in his chest. "I'm so sorry for hurting you, Erza. Please understand, it was never my intention."

The heavenly body mage paused for a moment, and Erza continued to watch him, tears still streaming down her cheeks as soaked in his words. She brought her hands up to cradle his face. "Erza, I almost lost you… Again… because of him. I can't let that happen anymore." And after that he found he couldn't speak. The mere thought, the mere idea that Erza could have died right there on that ship and that she still could was just enough to send him over the edge. They were in a war after all. Casualties were always expected, and this was too close of a call for her.

The scarlet haired knight pushed herself upright, and grabbed ahold of Jellal's trembling form and pulled him into her embrace. He tucked his head under her chin, and his face against the inside of her arm, hiding it from view. He didn't want Erza to see him looking like that anymore. He didn't want to cry in front of her. He didn't want to cry at all. He truly didn't even know why he wanted to cry so bad. Maybe it was just years of pent up emotion he had held captive in his heart. Maybe he was just exhausted, maybe he was afraid, terrified of losing the one thing in front of him that has continued to push him forward and keep him alive for so long. "…I thought I'd lost you." Jellal wrapped his arms around Erza, slightly raising his head, burying the lower half of his face into her shoulder.

Erza pulled him closer, sniffing back what was left of her tears. "It's alright. I'm still here. I have no intention on dying just yet." She chuckled softly and brushed a hand through his soft, cerulean spikes. "You won't lose me, but please, Jellal… Please don't run away from me again. We can fight together. Just stay with me. I want you with me. Don't you understand that?"

Erza felt Jellal's shoulders heave underneath her arms, and she gripped him, if possible, even tighter than before. "Erza," her name came out forced, choked, in a voice shaken by unshed tears.

"Jellal," Erza murmed gently into his shoulder. "What is it? Are you crying?"

"No, I'm fine," he insisted, but Ezra knew better, and Jellal attempted to hide his now escaping tears against her hair. "Just let me stay like this for awhile."

"Hey isn't that my line? You're the one always leaving," she teased him gently, rubbing her cheek against his soft, blue locks. "You can stay like this for as long as you need to," she coaxed him. She didn't care if it was forever. Neither did Jellal. If only they could stop time. If only they could just hold onto each other like this forever, without a care in the world… If only there were no war, and Zeref was gone. If only…


End file.
